Reprinted from the ACJ - December, 1995
The nondescript American-made sedan crunched to a stop on the packed snow in front of the plant. The first sign of trouble the inspector saw was the large sleigh backed into the loading dock. "No wheel chocks," he scribbled in his notebook.
He chose the visitors entrance over the smaller "Elves Only" door and asked to see the proprietor, a Mr. S. Claus. A few minutes passed before the large bearded St. Nicholas approached. He held out his hand but didn't look all that jolly.
"Not even Santa is happy to see me," the man thought. "Well, what did I expect. I'm an OSHA inspector."
Dispensing with the pleasantries, the inspector got right down to business. "Mr. Claus, I'm here to evaluate your safety and health program beginning with your employee training under OSHA's Right to Know Program 29CFR 1910.1200 paragraph (h). First, I would like to see your list of hazardous chemicals used on the premises."
The old man grimaced slightly and began to explain, "I don't actually have a list of chemicals. But I do have this list of who's been naughty and nice." Trying to be helpful, he added, "And it is reevaluated annually!"
The inspector frowned and made another notation in his book. "OK Mr. Claus let's move on," he said. "Do you have a training program that is given to each new employee at the time of hiring?"
Santa blurted out, "I don't hire these guys, they're elves! They breed like rabbits. More show up every day, and they all look the same!"
Santa was beginning to worry that this may not be such a holly jolly Christmas season after all. Just then, a worried elf ran up to the pair.
"Santa, Jingles is drinking paint again!" the elf exclaimed. Santa rushed to the shop floor with the inspector in tow. As Santa rectified the thirsty elf situation, the inspector began to look around. He noticed three-fingered elves in the cutting room, numerous elves eating at their stations, and one elf, appropriately named Dopey, was the only thing going up the exhaust stack in the paint room.
The inspector turned his attention back to the man in charge. "Excuse me, Mr. Claus, but I have noticed a few substances around the shop. Do you have MSDS for these items: paint, egg nog, glue, mistletoe and holly?"
Checking his notes, he added, "Oh, and what's the Magic Dust used for?" Startled, Santa replied, "That's for the reindeer," pointing to the door leading to the barn. Expecting the worst, the inspector asked to see the animals.
On the way across the shop floor, he asked the now despondent Father Christmas, "I've noticed that no one is wearing safety glasses." Santa, thinking he may have a good answer for that question, blurted out, "Maybe not, but we have a hell of a dental plan."
That resulted in another notation in the notebook. Upon entering the animal quarters, the overwhelming smell of the beasts hit the pair.
"Whoa!" the inspector said. "Do the elves who work in here wear respirators?" As if choreographed, an elf whizzed past with his stocking cap pulled down over his nose and mouth. "Sort of," Santa answered sheepishly.
It was obvious to the inspector that none of these elves had been trained in the recognition of the hazards present. He scribbled that fact in his book. The pair then headed back into the plant and proceeded to an assembly station manned by two busy elves.
"Do you guys know how to read the hazard labels on these products?" the inspector queried. The pair looked at each other a bit perplexed. The braver of the two responded, "You mean the labels that say what's bad about this toy?"
"Exactly," said the inspector.
Full of confidence now, the second elf said, "Oh sure! Any time the label says `Made in Japan' we know to take it off and sign our name."
Santa rolled his eyes to the ceiling and let out a sigh, thinking silently as the night that it looks as though Santa will be spending Christmas in the pokey this year. Returning to the office, Santa slumped in his chair while the inspector paced the room looking at his notebook.
"Well," he started, "I've made a list and checked it twice. Santa, you've been naughty but I'm going to be nice.
"Be sure to train your employees in hazards and labels, how to read MSDS and work safely at their tables.
"Keep guards on the saws and a dust mask on their face. Don't eat, drink or smoke when at your work space.
"They must be able to ID hazards and dangers, and for gosh sake get some exhaust for those reindeers. (OK, so that's not a good rhyme or even good grammar. Have some Christmas charity!)
"This OSHA requirement is a job you can't shirk, so please pull that drunk elf out of the duct work.
"I know they're just elves, but you must train them right, or I'm back with the mounties tomorrow night."
He turned on his heel, winked and headed for the door. Have a safe holiday season, need I say more?
The above article was written by David M. Brown, Chief Engineer of Johnson Manufacturing Company, Inc. and is published by JOHNSON with the expressed approval of the National Automotive Radiator Service Association and the Automotive Cooling Journal. Other reproduction or distribution of this information is forbidden without the written consent of JOHNSON and NARSA/ACJ. All rights reserved.
JOHNSON MANUFACTURING COMPANY
114 Lost Grove Road / PO Box 96 / Princeton, Iowa 52768-0096
Phone 563-289-5123 or Fax 563-289-3825