ENVIRONMENTAL COMPLACENCE
It's hot outside, it's busy inside.
You are running your tail off just trying to keep up with the work. Customers are complaining that after you serviced their radiator, now the brakes are squealing and what are you going to do about it? Employees are calling in sick and then asking, "By the way, where was it that you caught that huge small mouth bass anyway?"
Your spouse wonders if you will ever spend time at home. You wonder if you will ever be able to pay for that home. The kids need a ride to soccer practice. The shop's tow truck is broken down on the expressway.
Into this happy scene walks the EPA inspector. Right away he cites your choice of office furniture as an environmental disaster and lists your bathroom as a Superfund cleanup project. He wants to know how you dispose of the filings from your pencil sharpener. He also asks for proof that the mousse you use in your hair is not toxic to laboratory animals... So far so good.
Mental health is as important as any of the other health and safety aspects of life around the shop. So in an effort to alleviate some of the tension you may be feeling, let's move away from the subject of shop hazards and talk about compliance problems. Naturally the discussion will be a dead serious look at how to handle the inspection.
The man asks you questions, you answer them. He asks more questions, you answer them. He asks more questions, and finally you have had enough and lose your mind. For those of you already over the edge, this is a primer. For those of you teetering on the brink of madness, use this article to break the tension and restore your mental health.
I now present Dave's Top Ten List of ways to P.O. (I don't mean purchase order) the EPA inspector.
10. Lead fumes: If you can't see them they don't exist.
9. Tell him that you thought the ditch behind the shop was considered a "Certified Hazardous Waste Disposal Facility."
8. Vent your elephant trunk exhaust into the AFSCME union hall next door.
7. Seven words: What are you gonna do, sue me?
6. Explain to him how the creek used to be a boring brown. Now it's colorful and the kids love it.
5. Run off with his wife in a gas-guzzler that burns leaded fuel.
4. Coolant recycling? Recycle this!
3. Tell him you consider the entire Midwest Aquifer as your closed loop water system.
2. Ask him to move his state vehicle out of the way of your wife's new BMW convertible.
And the number one way to P.O. the EPA inspector...
1. Show him how you and the boys do the backstroke in the test tank.
OK that's the list. Here is the disclaimer: I'm just kidding! You may add your own suggestions if you like, but actual use of these statements is at your own risk.
As far as your mental health goes, look back at the article. If you made notes in the margins, stuff like, "Good idea" or "That will teach him," you may want to take a bit more time off to regain your sanity. But if you just smiled at the list, chuckled a bit, and forgot about the troubles out in the shop for a minute, then my work is done here. Mental health restored... Now, what are you going to do about my brakes?
The above article was written by David M. Brown, Chief Engineer of Johnson Manufacturing Company, Inc. and is published by JOHNSON with the expressed approval of the National Automotive Radiator Service Association and the Automotive Cooling Journal. Other reproduction or distribution of this information is forbidden without the written consent of JOHNSON and NARSA/ACJ. All rights reserved.
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